by Andy Bernstein
Parenting is hard.
It’s hard because of the crushing lack of sleep, the extraordinary financial demands, and the constant tension between our needs and theirs.
It’s hard because of the awesome responsibility of shaping another human life, for better and for worse.
And it’s hard because, even though we love them and they can be adorable and we have evolved to care deeply for these precious little beings, children can strain every fiber of our patience and sanity.
The Resilience Academy can help with the last part.
Becoming a Better You
There is no magic potion that makes you a better parent. You can’t just adopt a mantra and expect change. Whatever bothers you about your children — whining, hitting, lying, not sharing, not doing their homework, forgetting their chores — none of it will change overnight because of something you read on the internet.
But your reaction to your children — the way you process the things they do or don’t do — that CAN change based on something you read on the Internet. Or, more precisely, that can change because of some videos you watched, and an exercise you did, and tools you learned that changed the way you thought about things.
Because the key to being a better parent isn’t acting differently, or feeling differently. It’s thinking differently. And thinking differently doesn’t require talking to a therapist, or even talking at all. You can learn the basics right now, without saying a word.
What happens as you learn to think differently is you find a middle ground between being angry and being passive. That middle ground is the most empirically validated form of parenting. It’s the place that gives your child the best chance of being attached to you so they are stable and well adjusted in the deepest parts of themselves, even when on the surface they are throwing a tantrum.
Thinking differently also gives you the best chance of staying attached to your child, so you don’t push them away and strain a relationship that is so important to your own well-being.
How to Get There
The road to the middle ground of clear boundaries and deeper connection starts with a different way of understanding stress. Because if you think that your child is causing your anger, or teenagers are a stressor, you’re confused.
You being by learning how the modern stress concept was created almost single-handedly by one man, and why he was wrong.
Then you learn how stress really works, and you get a new tool to start living with a lot less of it, even (maybe especially) as a parent.
All for free.
If the tool makes sense to you and you decide to join as a Resilience Academy member, the journey continues. You’ll learn what matters most for happiness in life, why adversity (or a “crucible” experience) is such a powerful force for change, and how to improve family dynamics — all based on data, and all without saying a word.
Doing this will change you as a parent. You will become less reactive. More understanding. Better able to communicate your expectations and set boundaries in a way that is respectful and clear.
You will not become more passive or permissive.
Instead, you will see that behind unwanted behaviors, there are always unmet needs, and you’ll find ways to explore those needs with wisdom and grace, and give your child the role model they need to eventually find their own wisdom.
You can become the parent you want to be, and the parent they need you to be. You want to make the world a better place? Parenting is the deepest form of activism.
And Parenting is Just the Beginning
As a Resilience Academy member, you’ll also get content that helps with your marriage, your parents, your body, your workplace, your country. You’ll learn to think, feel, and act differently across all the parts of your life you care about. You won’t just be a better parent. You’ll be a better person.
Does this mean that your kids will magically stop acting out or pushing boundaries?
But if you want others to change, doesn’t it have to start with you?